


Broken

by shadowolfhunter



Category: Grimm (TV)
Genre: Grief, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Love, M/M, serious injury
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-21
Updated: 2016-05-05
Packaged: 2018-05-28 05:43:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6316894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowolfhunter/pseuds/shadowolfhunter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nick Burkhardt has always been somewhat suspicious of Renard's motives, with the gulf widening between them, Nick tells Renard he doesn't trust his Captain. When Renard steps in to save Nick's life in a fight with three hasslich, he's seriously injured in a fall from a bridge. The only thing that saves him is his Wesen heritage. As his Captain's life and his future hang in the balance, Nick grieves for what he may have thrown away, because now the Captain has taken this course, Nick realises how he feels about Renard.</p><p>Even if Renard survives, there are more challenges to face...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Grieving

**Author's Note:**

  * For [NicoleBloom89](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NicoleBloom89/gifts).



Nick pauses in the corridor, after everything that’s happened he’s not sure he even has the right anymore. But given everything that’s happened, given his part in it, something presses him forward.

The shame of the last thing he said to his Captain, the pain of the guilt that tears through him, he figures he deserves that. What he said, in the heat of the moment, he didn’t mean it. Only it’s too late to take it back, he wouldn’t blame Renard if the man threw him out of his room.

He wants Renard to throw him out of his room.

Then at least Renard would be awake.

The thing that Nick can’t take back is the bridge, and the three Hasslich, and the fall.

Renard is strong, and Wesen. That’s the only reason he’s alive.

The doctors have done what they can. It’s up to Renard. If he wants to fight.

Nick tries not to think of all the reasons why Sean Renard might not want to fight. Might want to give in. Nick tries very, very hard not to think about Sean Renard dying, because he knows this time there are no second chances. Sean dies, he stays dead, and Nick doesn’t get a chance to take back all the things he said, all the times he’s given the Captain cold suspicion, all the times Sean Renard has gone to bat for him, Nicholas Burkhardt, and all the times Nicholas Burkhardt really hasn’t deserved it.

He tries not to think too hard about all the times others have pointed out, even gently, the times he’s pushed Sean to arms’ length, offered him cold suspicion. How he’s never said thank you, even when Renard was shot and died for Nick.

 

It’s late, but because Nick is a police officer, he gets the chance to be in the room, to stay with his Captain for a while. To be swamped with guilt.

He enters the room, the curtains are drawn, the night sky is clear and beautiful. Nick’s not here for the sky, he’s here for the man in the bed.

It’s been three days. Nick looks at the body in front of him, takes in the bandages, the casts. Sean is breathing on his own, but that’s about it. Sean’s right arm, almost torn from his body, the terrible injury repaired, his shoulder pinned, wrapped, supported and immobilised, his hand, wrist and forearm also smashed, the cast is thick and heavy, Sean’s long, slim fingers protruding out of the cast; his left wrist is dislocated, more heavy strapping, also immobilised. Yet that’s the least of it, they can’t tell yet, he’s been told, until the swelling goes down but Captain Sean Renard may never walk again. His right femur broken, his left knee torn almost in half, but even these injuries pale into insignificance next to the back injury.

There’s too much bruising and swelling to tell, but even the doctor says they’re going to have to pray for a miracle.

Nick wonders how a big, strong, active and intensely private man like the Captain. Like Sean. Would be able to take that.

How a man like Prince Sean Renard will be able to take life in a wheelchair. How much that is going to hurt.

 

Nick reaches out and brushes his finger tips over Sean’s fingers sticking out of the cast, the Captain’s fingers are warm and Nick pauses, keeping gentle contact, because this is Sean, and it’s taken Nick a very long time to realise that what Renard said, all those years ago was true. Together they would make history.

Without his Captain, Nick doesn’t want to make history. He realises that without Sean, all of this is meaningless. He does trust his Captain. They’ve wasted so much time.

 

Nick holds Sean’s hand. It’s awkward, fitting his fingers around the cast, holding the fingers gently because he can’t bear to hurt Sean further. He’s already done so much damage, but he can’t let go, somehow he has to get Sean to fight, to come back to him, because Nick cannot lose him now. Not now he has finally understood that he cannot cut Sean out of his life.

They’ve been bound together, sometimes opposite sides of the same coin, since the beginning, when Sean tried to make Nick his, and Nick’s stubborn soul rebelled.

 

Both Nick’s hands are wrapped around the cast now, his fingers gently entwined with Sean’s, the silence is oppressive, Nick bends his head, gently pressing his forehead to those warm fingers, willing with every fibre of his being for his Zauberbiest to come back to him, accepting that this Wesen Prince completes Nick.

“Come back,” he whispers softly, the tears choking his throat robbing his voice of sound and power. 

Tears fall, “come back to me.”


	2. Grief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things do not go the way Nick hopes they would. Renard's apparent response to Nick's presence confuses the Grimm. Struggling with the reality of what happened, Renard shuts down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I said two chapters... I lied. It's three. Or maybe four. I might be wringing out the hankie for every ounce of pathos I can get.

Everything hurts. On some level he realises he’s alive and drugs are probably keeping the edge off, but the knowledge that something is very wrong is distracting him. He can hear Nick’s voice begging him to come back, feel fingers clasping his, but it’s overlaid with the memory of Nick telling him that he was no longer trusted so he doesn’t want to believe.

Right now, he can't really feel his legs. He knows they are there, because under the humped blanket if he peeks under his lashes he can see his toes protruding at the end of the bed. Apparently both his legs are in casts. Perhaps that accounts for the oddly disconnected feeling he’s getting.

Rationally Renard realises that there’s another explanation for this feeling, but his mind shies away from what that might mean. He’s not ready to go there yet. He’s not even ready to acknowledge that he’s awake. He’s never been a coward, but he’s not ready to cope with Nick. Or his feelings, or his feelings for Nick. Never mind Nick’s feelings. He can hear guilt in Nick’s voice, that’s not something Sean feels ready to hear.

 

Nick has the strangest feeling that Renard can hear him, that Sean is actually awake, but for some reason is keeping quiet.

Nick really doesn't know what that means. He’s a little confused, it’s awkward, this feeling and Nick doesn’t actually know what to do with it.

“Sir, I’m afraid you’re going to have to clear the room,” a nurse enters, “We need to check on the patient.”

Nick glances up to Sean’s face, but Renard’s eyes are closed, then he rolls his head on the pillow, turning his face away from Nick. Nick blushes hard, shocked, Renard has always tried to bring Nick on side, now it seems he can’t look at Nick.

“Yes, sure.” Nick mutters, red-faced from shame and confusion. He grabs his jacket and gets to his feet, shuffling awkwardly away. In the doorway he turns, tries to say something. Renard’s eyes are still closed, but a single tear slips down his cheek.

Nick says nothing, what can he say?

 

Nick leaves it four days. Four days, four nights where that single tear burns a track through Nick’s soul. He can’t go back there. It’s too hard. Renard doesn’t want him there.

In his loss and confusion, Nick does the only thing he can think of, he turns to Monroe and Rosalee.

Rosalee comforts Nick, but privately, she can see why Renard might react the way he apparently has done. After the purification potion which the Captain took to help Nick by saving Juliette, in an unguarded moment the Captain let slip that his feelings for Nick might be less than platonic. After Jack, the Captain was hurt and lost, and the whole drama of Kelly Burkhardt, and Adalind, and Nick and Adalind’s Baby Kelly, then how they had apparently lost Diana, but no one seemed to care, it didn’t come as much of a surprise that Sean had tried to recapture the ground he felt he had lost by becoming too close to the Grimm and his surprising collection of supporters. Everything seemed to be backfiring on him.

Now this. Rosalee blamed herself. The hasslich were strong and evil, and Nick thought he could take them on without involving anyone else. The Captain had come into the shop for something, and Rosalee had let the cat out of the bag, she had never dreamed that he would have wanted to become involved, given that the distance between Nick and Sean had widened to the point that it had, and Nick said he no longer trusted Sean.

Now Sean had risked his life for Nick and Sean was very seriously injured.

They no longer knew where they stood.

 

Sean lies quietly in his bed staring at nothing. He can no longer deny the truth, the fall broke his back and his whole life is in flux. All for the damn Grimm.

Sean’s Wesen, he supposes there’s some kind of bitter irony that he’s crippled because of the Grimm instead of by the Grimm.

His future once looked so bright. No more.


	3. Hiding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nick thinks he's got all the time in the world to get his head on straight. But Sean's gone. So Nick's a detective. He detects. Meanwhile Sean's still hiding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. Fibbed again. This is 4, it may even turn out to be 5.

He hates the physiotherapy. It seems like hours of effort, for no return. It’s exhausting and humiliating, and most of the time he can’t feel his legs. Walking seems impossible. It’s never going to happen so why put himself through the pain, degradation and exhaustion for no pay off.

At least he stands no chance of running into the Grimm and his friends here. The day he was well enough to move, he got the hell out of there.

So he’s here. Miles from home. Lost and lonely and confused about the feelings that he’s having, because this is his reality now. The Grimm can’t find him. And that’s the way it should be. Not that the Grimm had even been back to see him. Sean had been in that hospital bed for nearly three months, and the Grimm hadn’t bothered to come and see him after that first time. Clearly he’d gotten the message.

It wasn’t as though Sean had tried all that hard to hide his identity when he left. So message received and understood.

“Come on Mr Lascelles, one more repetition before we call it a day.”

Sean scowled. It wasn’t like this was really going anywhere, but if he didn’t, his physiotherapist would inform his doctor and then there would be another round of counselling and that appallingly chirpy woman would try and get him to talk about his feelings.

What feelings? 

Feelings were things he left behind when he left Portland.

 

It had been nearly four months since Nick had seen Renard. The man had discharged himself and disappeared, not an easy trick for a man leaving hospital in a wheelchair. So Nick had doggedly chased up every single thread, no matter how thin or unlikely. Renard was clearly not using his own name. So after the first three weeks, Nick changed it up, tried Sean’s mother’s name.

And it had finally borne fruit. There was a Mr Albert Lascelles living in Vancouver, British Columbia. Answering to Sean’s description.

A little discreet digging, and Nick was on the phone to Sean’s physiotherapist.

Nick lied. A lot. By the time he was off the phone he was convinced his nose had grown six inches, but the physiotherapist was _convinced_ that only a visit from Albert's "friend", a secret visit from Nick, was going to put Sean… Albert… back on track.

He scribbled a note for Hank, texted Monroe and Rosalee, and headed home. Once home, he threw some clothes into a bag, grabbed toiletries and his phone charger and then set down to book a flight.

As luck would have it, he managed to get a seat cancellation on a flight leaving in just over two hours.

In three he would be in the same city as Sean.

He tried not to think too far past that.

 

Getting an apartment adapted to the needs of a wheelchair had been surprisingly easy. It had what Sean needed. A bed. A chair. A kitchen table. Curtains. A wardrobe for the few clothes. Sweatpants, tee shirts, underwear, henleys for when it was cold, a thick sweater for when it was really cold, and a thick warm parka jacket with a hood.

And sunglasses.

Sean hid behind sunglasses, and the jacket helped. Flipped up, the hood had a warm quilted lining and a thick faux-fur trim, it hid his face quite effectively.

He shut himself off from thoughts of his house, and his wardrobe of beautiful suits, and expensive shirts, and ties in a variety of tasteful colours and patterns. That wasn’t his world any more. One day he would make contact with his mother and get her to pack the house up, dispose of everything and sell it.

Right now he couldn’t face even the thought.

He paid the shop around the corner to deliver his groceries, unconcerned about letting a stranger into his place when he wasn’t there. It wasn’t as though he had anything to steal. He had a record player, a few vinyls, on nights he wasn’t reading a book (the same shop provided him with a supply of books), he liked the music, it brought back happy memories of a time long ago, before his home town.

He was self-aware enough to realise he was depressed… and angry too. He would deal with that too. One day.

He had figured out how to wash and dress himself, and since he didn’t want anyone in his space, he’d declined his doctor’s efforts to get him some help.

He grabbed the sandwich from the fridge, picked up the salad he’d prepared, and the drinking bottle with water (he was also self-aware enough to avoid that universal crutch, alcohol) and wheeled himself to the bed. He put the brakes on the chair, and reached over to the railed headboard to pull himself over onto the mattress.

He rested a moment, just breathing in and out. In that moment he could pretend, pretend that everything was okay, and he had some sort of future.


	4. Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nick isn't a detective by accident and Sean needs help.

“Frankly, Mr Lascelles isn’t making the progress we hoped for, it’s only been four weeks, but he should be showing more improvement than he is.” The physiotherapist looked hopefully at the younger man in front of him. “In normal circumstances patient confidentiality would prevent me from saying any of this, but I have the feeling that some friends in his life might just provide the spur we are hoping for.”

Given the way Sean had reacted the last time Nick had seen him, and Nick’s subsequent desertion of the Captain, Nick had cause to doubt that, but he’s here, now, and he’s determined, and if this descends into some kind of argument well Nick is prepared for that. He needs to show Sean that he, Nicholas Burkhardt, cares for his Royal Wesen boss… and this is not some passing fancy. This is for real; and forever.

Now he’s standing, waiting, in the corridor outside of the physiotherapy room, and he positions himself so that he can see through the small window in the door.

His first sight of Sean in four months is an acutely painful realisation.

Renard looks tired. He’s a big guy, he dominates the chair he’s sitting in, he’s wearing sweat pants and a tank, the breadth of his shoulders and his powerful arms on display, the sense of authority is still impressive, but Nick can only focus on the pain on Sean’s face.

Outsiders wouldn’t see it, the Captain’s ability to mask his emotions is quite exceptional, but over the seven years that Nick has been a detective, and then a Grimm, he’s learned how to read his zauberbiest. The fact that he thinks of Sean as his zauberbiest says a lot about how far they have come together. Now he’s here, he’s about to face Sean and this could go one of two ways, Nick gets his head out his ass and acknowledges to himself that at some level he’s always trusted Sean. The Royal zauberbiest is undeniably tricky, but even Nick gets that Sean’s life has made him the way he is. Running for your life when you’re only thirteen years old will do that for a guy.

As he pushes the door open, Nick admits to himself that by comparison, most of what he’s been through over the past several years is only a taster of what Sean has suffered for far longer. Their pain has been shared pain a time or two, and they have bonded far more closely than Nick was happy to accept. Until Sean fled from Portland, injured and suffering. Again.

Renard doesn’t move. His face remains smooth, impassive, no hint of what he’s thinking, but Nick knows it’s all in the eyes, and Sean is less able to hide from Nick than he once was. Something that looks very like hope is in the green eyes staring at him.

“Sean.” Nick walks confidently up to the chair, and crouches down. Gently he puts his right hand on Sean’s left.

Sean wants to throw everything at him, all the pain and misery since Rosalee told him about the hasslich, and there’s quite a bit built up there, but all he can think is that Nick is there. That Nick cares, and that’s so overwhelming Sean can only sit there, turn his hand and grasp Nick’s and hold on tight, because the physiotherapist is there and that is about much public display as Captain Sean Renard is capable of.

Nick has been expecting Sean to throw him out. But Sean doesn’t. He thinks he should but he can’t bring himself to do it.

 

So Nick stays. It takes some wrangling, and several people are not pleased, but Nick doesn’t really care about that. He will deal with that when they’ve got Sean back on his feet, because that’s the thing… Sean isn’t paralysed, his legs move, and that is what Sean’s therapist has said to Nick, the Captain will walk again (and boy did that whole name thing take some straightening out), but there’s a whole mess of raw emotions that they are going to have to work through as well as Sean’s physical condition to get him up on his feet.

Now Nick freely admits that he perhaps isn’t the most patient man in the world. Okay he is very far from patient, and he likes to take action. Watching Sean struggling through physio, knowing how bad he’s hurting, Nick starts to form a plan in his head.

It’s a strange plan, Nick admits, it relies on a number of odd emotional factors, not the least the strength of Sean’s ambition. After the coins of Zakynthos, there was little doubt that Sean was ambitious, weirdly Nick had never felt more in tune with his Captain than the speech he gave under the coins’ influence.

So it was worth a try when the time was right.

Therapy stalled again, as Sean’s physio tried to coax him to his feet,and failed. Even with Nick’s loving encouragement the strength of Sean’s emotional turmoil over his injuries was holding him back.

 

“You want me to get in his house, find it and post it to you?” 

Nick can hear Hank rolling his eyes.

“Yes, Hank.”

“He won’t be pleased us going through his stuff, this is on your head.”

Nick scowls a little, “It’s worth it to get our Captain back.” 

Hank sighs, he wants Renard back, everyone does. It’s been a thoroughly unsettling five months (and counting) without him. He’s out injured, but the one good thing is that he hasn’t resigned. Nick and Hank both know that was probably just an oversight, the Captain’s state of mind wasn’t playing all the angles, but they and the rest of Renard’s men are clinging to that small hope that Renard hasn’t resigned because he’s trying to come back.

One of the reasons Hank’s backing his partner’s sabbatical. Irritatingly short notice that it was.

“Okay.”

“You’ll do it?”

“Yeah.” Hank doesn’t qualify that statement. The less people involved the better.

 

A week later, Nick’s tearing open a parcel, and reading the small note in Hank’s neat handwriting. “This had better work and be worth it.” Nick pulls out the item and rather thinks it will, work and be worth it.

It’s been a fairly lousy day. Sean’s stressed and they are still stalled at him standing unaided. He can drag himself upright, which is sort of progress, but it isn’t rocket science for Nick to get that they are never going to progress further, and Sean’s career will truly be over, if someone doesn’t smash down that emotional wall that Sean’s built for himself.

Nick knows Sean’s tired, and he’s kind of a little sorry for doing this now, but if he can coax something out of Sean with his defences down like this, it just might work.

 

He pauses in the doorway, Sean’s lying on his side on the bed, eyes closed, but he’s facing Nick, and it’s definitely now or never. Nick’s spent seven years of his life being utterly obtuse about how he really feels about his Captain, but as he faces up to what he’s about to do, he acknowledges that despite all the trouble and the keys, and the Royals and all the other stuff he, Nicholas Burkhardt does love Sean Renard.

And this is his way of showing it. Fixing what’s broken, because even though Sean Renard is a tough, intelligent, street-smart Police Captain who’s clawed his own way up, even though he’s spent a childhood running for his life, in spectacular isolation, this time he needs some one else.

Nick.

“Sean…”

The green eyes open slowly, and Nick forces down his instinctive response. Sean hasn’t been able to mask from Nick for months. Every tiny piece of the pain and stress that Sean is going through is right there in those green eyes, and Nick just wants to gather him close and tell him everything’s going to be alright.

And he’s going to do that, once he’s provoked him and pushed him.

“Remember this…” Nick holds up the thing he sent Hank to find. It’s the Captain’s uniform jacket, “remember that day…”

Sean doesn’t need to ask which day, the coins of Zakynthos have left their mark on both of them one way or another.

Sean pushes himself awkwardly to sit upright on the bed. Takes in the fierce look in Nick’s eyes. “The coins.”

Nick waves the jacket a little. “Not the coins. That speech? That was all you.”

Sean shakes his head. “I can’t…” They don’t waste time in denial of what Nick is asking Sean to do.

“You can, Sean.” Nick’s voice has risen in pitch, his tone harsher. “The man that made that speech can do anything.”

The expression on Sean’s face is naked misery. “I can’t…” He doesn’t even realise he’s leaning forward, Nick carefully shuffles a little closer, he has to be in reach to catch Sean, because there’s no way this thing is going to be clean.

He waves the jacket, just out of Renard’s reach, “You can Sean, you’ve never been a coward, don’t start now.”

Sean’s starting to lose it a bit, that iron control that’s always brought equal amounts of pleasure and frustration to Nick. “It’s not that simple,” Sean growls, the pain and frustration welling up.

“It is.”

Sean reaches for the jacket, but Nick’s out of reach. Sean’s leaning forward as Nick waves the jacket again. “Come on Sean.”

Frustration boils over, and Sean woges. His feet hit the floor and he stumbles forward. Nick drops the jacket as he catches his much bigger lover in his arms. Sean is shaky, and emotionally overwrought, and he’s already sagging to the floor in Nick’s arms, but he’s on his feet, he took a step, no crutches, no aids, just Sean.

They collapse in a heap on the floor together, as the dam bursts, and every single drop of pain pours out.

Sean buries his face in Nick’s shoulder, even with how far they have come in their relationship, he can’t let Nick see him cry.

Nick holds him close and doesn’t care about that, runs soothing fingers through the short hair at the nape of Sean’s neck, rests his cheek against Sean’s, feels the woge and knows they’ve broken their final barrier, knows that Sean is going to get better.

That they are going to do this together.

Make history.


	5. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things return to normal...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, constitutionally incapable of leaving it there... had to have some soppy love for the Captain, as led by his favourite Grimm.

Nick gets in early because today’s the day, and he wants to be there with everyone else. Today Sean is back in his office after fourteen months.

Nick just wants to see his lover walk back into his office, and revel in that moment.

He wants to see the love and genuine affection his fellow officers are going to pour on their Captain, because this has been a long and hard road, and Sean deserves all the love he can get from the men and women he commands.

The Captain is finally home.

Of course, Nick has the inside track on all of it.

 

It’s been an arduous journey from the breakthrough to the point where Nick and Sean realise that this thing between them really is forever. Portland is an enlightened city. Practically the moment they are back in it, Nick is making a little announcement to all their friends.

The wedding is quiet and modest, and free from all the frippery that neither man wants. Nick thought he had it all down pat, emotions mostly neatly stowed away because this is just the seal on their relationship, but Sean has something special up his sleeve to un-man Nick all over again. Nick had thought that Sean would still be on the crutches he’s been using, but Sean hands them off to Hank and walks slowly down the aisle next to Nick.

It’s clear that there is still stiffness, and some pain, but Sean is walking on his own, and there isn’t a dry eye in the place as Sean Renard shows the world he’s back.

And it’s Nick’s turn to un-man Sean, because all the feelers that Nick very cautiously put out, Sean’s mother turns up for the ceremony.

 

Sean takes the elevator to his floor, in the last eighteen months he’s doubted he would ever be back here again. The thumb of his left hand gently caresses the ring on his finger, feels the warmth and the weight of it, the symbol of the love his Grimm gives him. It’s been there for three months, but he still feels the need to remind himself every day.

He pauses in the doorway of the bullpen, as a hush falls over his people. A slightly awkward moment, but he strides forward to the centre of the room, all around him officers rise to their feet, spontaneously applauding their Captain, and for the first time Sean realises that ambition is satisfied, he’s never really felt like before. Like he belongs, and he blushes a little at the thought, his thumb strokes his ring again, as he acknowledges the love his officers are giving him.

There’s a pause in the applause and he steps forward only to falter as his emotions well up to choke him, but the circle parts as Wu pushes a trolley into the centre of the room, with an enormous cake on top.

Then Nick is beside him, and a gentle hand takes his, and squeezes, Sean chokes back the emotions, he doesn’t need a speech.

“Thank you.”

Short, heart-felt, to the point…


End file.
